Bodily Tools for the Disgusting Magician

The disgusting magician is not easily discouraged, and can perform any trick at a moment notice. The following ruses were revealed to me ten years ago, and are published here for the first time.

Dry hands. Classic palm problems? Put the fingers of both hands inside the hair and gently but firmly rub the scalp. Let the finger absorb the oily fluid that lies there (it takes only a few seconds) and you are ready for a wonderful performance. Simple but effective!

Invisible crimp. Have a spectator shuffle the deck and select a card, then insert the card in the deck and let the spectator shuffle it again. Under these impossible conditions, proceed to locate the card and produce it in your favorite way! (The deck can be examined at any time.) Here is the explanation of this little miracle. While the spectator shuffles the deck and looks at the selected card, casually reach with your right hand into the left armpit and soak the fingers in sweat. Then, if you rub your fingers on the face of the selected card, you will be able to detect it later by sense of smell only! Note: this ruse become even more effective if you stop having showers at least three days before the performance, though that does convert the trick from close-up to stage.

Magic dust. As you surely know, many of the strongest effects require a little bit of magic or fairy dust. So how is that you reach into your pocket yet the dust never comes out? Fortunately, you can easily overcome this problem. First, you have to misdirect the spectator away from you for a moment. This can be done in several ways, the choice is left to the reader. While the spectator is distracted, quickly reach with your hands in your hair and start rubbing with vigor. A cloud of tiny white particles will slowly begin to fall, like candid flakes of snow. Now if you time the card revelation so that it appears just inside the white dandruff cloud, the magic will be tenfold enhanced! My favorite way is to hot shot the card and grab it just in the middle of the snow fall. You then pause a few moments so that the magic dust registers in the mind of the spectator (but not so much that the pips get covered) and ask: "Is this your card"?

Magician wax. How many time you have wondered how to perform such great effects as "Card on Ceiling" in true impromptu conditions? Well, as Zen masters say, very often the answer is within yourself. In fact, just reach within yourself with your forefinger using the nose as an entrance, extract a bit of the slimy brown substance inside and presto! you have a wonderful replacement for the magician wax. It is recommended that you shape the substance in little balls before use, using the thumb and forefinger tips to model it.

Misdirection. It comes a time when even the most skilled magician must use misdirection to cover some sleight. As a disgusting magician you have all the conventional weapons in your arsenal, plus some. As an example, have a card selected and returned to the deck, keeping a break above it. Look at the audience and say: "Do you know the difference between C sharp and D flat"? Since nobody can tell, after a short pause lift your right leg and fart loudly, saying: "Well, this is... oh sorry, a B". Of course this is just what the audience sees, but in fact as soon as everyone turns his eyes off you (which invariably happens when someone farts) you pass and the card is controlled, safely and cleanly.

Wet hands. If you wear socks, get one and slap it a few times. Look against a light and you'll see that even the shortest sock is able to produce a huge quantity of dust. Immediately dive the hands into the cloud and the socks dust will stick to the moisture, neutralizing it. If no socks are available, you still get some useable matter by briskly scratching the foreleg: this is in fact similar to the magic dust above, but we cannot use the same method because dandruff is in fact quite greasy (see dry hands).

Copyright (c) 2003 Alessandro Scotti. Performance rights granted.

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